a jumbled mess

some days, i just don't know.

i don't know what i'm thinking, i don't know what i'm talking about, i don't know what to talk about.

everything is jumbled, and there's no way to straighten it all out.

hubby and i are buying a house. like right now, at this very moment, we are going through the process. and this process involves getting any and all information and papers required as quickly as possible. because we are on a very strict timeline, and if anything goes wrong, we don't want it to be because of us. so we're doing our best to get everything we need. really, though, it's mostly out of our hands, and there's not much we can do to help the process along. but in one month's time, we will have signed our lives away in exchange for keys to a place we can call our own.

during this whole process, though, we're also talking about everything we will need. really, we have everything from our old house that we can put in our new house. all of it is just in boxes and piles in various places. most of it was never unpacked, so throwing it on a truck to take it to the new place should be easy. still, there are odds and ends that we will need, like curtains and floor rugs. and whether we want to paint. and how we're going to arrange the living room. and being that i'm the one that's home more than anybody else, i feel like i should be the one that gets to make these decisions. still, i ask and consider any and all opinions. except how the boys said that their sister can sleep in a closet so they can each have their own room, because that's not happening. maybe one day we'll be able to afford a house where everybody has their own room, but that day is not today.

while all this new house stuff is going on, i also have to keep on top of all the normal day to day stuff. like homework. and also because school is winding down (there's only two months left), it means the great push to catch up is on. i hate this, and i hated it last year, and though i understand why, it's very stressful. and stress is counter-productive. last year there was much talk with all his teachers what reading level he was supposed to make it to so that they could say he passed. he made it, barely, but he was bring home so many books, and a word ring with sight words to practice, and a "sound" ring so he could practice letter groups to make it easier to sound out words, it was taking more than an hour a night, just to try to meet the state mandated reading level. there's not been much talk of that this year, but i feel it's only a matter of time. because how do you keep your older boy from being frustrated by the fact he is reading at the same level as his younger brother?

and then too, with all of this, i'm trying to keep all the dates straight of all the stuff we have going on. because all of a sudden our calender seems very full. family activities and holidays and birthdays and trips uptown, it's getting confusing. and then there's also talk about what we're doing over the summer, with who and when. plus we need to keep a few weekends open for moving in i suppose.

things are just crazy here. and more and more keeps getting added to my plate. really, i know it'll be ok, because most of it is stuff i just have to show up for, and nothing i'm in charge of planning or have any control over. and i'm very good at randomly showing up. the real trick is making sure i know who is supposed to show up with me. because one of these days i'm going to go someplace with the wrong kid, and then things will get really awkward.