my quote of the moment: "if you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness." ~julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespinasse

my blogging: past, present, and future

this is the story of my blogging history:

once upon a time, a long long time ago, i had what one might call a blog on a site called diaryland. i'm not really sure if that site exists anymore, but i'm pretty sure that my diary/blog thing is no longer around. i was young and foolish, and i used it as a place to vent. the problem with that is i also had told everybody i knew that i was writing there, and anybody that had the time could go and read everything. and i mean everything. and unlike now, it was always very obvious who i was talking about and what i really thought of them.

in the years that have passed, i have tried in one form or another to start blogging again. writing my thoughts out has always been very important to me. i'm not always one to talk about the important things in my life, but i will write pages and pages about anything and everything that comes to mind. i have a good fifty steno pads filled with my scribblly cursive, all half finished stories and silly poems and quotes i liked and my thoughts of the moment. the best part of those crazy pages is that i didn't date anything. and i would write in two or three or ten notebooks at a time, so it's probably impossible, even for me, to tell when i wrote what i did over the ten year time that i was constantly writing. if i ever get famous, i pity the biographer that finds that box of steno pads.

as therapeutic as all that writing was, i wanted what i had long ago, a journal of sorts that i could share with others. something that was cohesive and comprehensible and chronological. something that had a time stamp, that i could look back over and track my progression, my growth. i felt the time was right to start again.

and so i did. here i created a blog that i would share with the world. and then i faltered and lost interest. so i erased it all and started again. and again. now though, i've kept it going. still, there are days where it is a struggle to write. sometimes it's hard to come up with a topic. and sometimes i need to sit and sort through my own thoughts before i can type coherently. but i have promised myself i would keep it going this time, that i would finish what i started.

even though i've faltered, i've still moved forward, be it in fits and starts. and i plan to keep moving forward. i might take a break, but i promise to pick up the pieces. i've come too far to start over. i won't erase my mistakes and pretend they never happened, they will remain here. and so will i.