my quote of the moment: "if you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness." ~julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespinasse

March 5, 2013

i'm not dead yet

i know i know i know... i'm really bad at this writing thing.

or maybe i'm just bad with consistency and follow through.

or maybe i'm just at a loss of words that i want to share. over sharing is a problem, but then that leaves me with the "how much is too much" issue. so i err on the side of caution and don't say anything at all.

and then i'm silent for weeks at a time. which is honestly lame and pathetic.

i'm trying, i really am. i'm working through issues, i'm dealing with my problems, i'm tackling this crazy life thing head on.

i'm also going to work on my own time line. i'm not going to do things when i think i should, or how i'm supposed to. because seriously? i make the rules here. i don't know why i care so much what others think if i do things differently, or wrong, or strangely. as long as i stay true to me, what does it matter what others think?

well honestly, it matters tons what others think to me. my head is still back in high school with the worries over what the cool kids will say. it's what makes me bite my tongue and be overly careful what i say. the internet is forever, right?

i know this might not make sense to anyone but me, but this line of thinking is logical in my own head. it's something i'm working on changing, it's something i'm trying to fix. but it's hard. and a long process. and maybe baby steps is where it's at. and posting more here is the first step.

and the second step is no more beating myself up over the fact that i'm not posting often, or as much as i should, or as much as i think that i should.

no promises of posting this time. just that i will try to be better. because really, that's all anyone can do.

No comments:

Post a Comment