my quote of the moment: "if you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness." ~julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespinasse

January 9, 2013

strange days

these are strange days, full of strange thoughts and weird coincidences.

maybe it's from the foggy haze my brain is in because of this lovely head cold and resulting on slot of medication, but things just seem not quite right. like the world in on a slow, shuffling march forward. things are happening, things always keep happening, but it seems more like the world is spinning on whether or not we are interacting with it. so we plod along just to get by. it's like everything is gray, not good or bad but just is.

(on a random side note [and everything lately seems random], i finally learned the gray/grey trick. i was always confused which it was. then i read somewhere that it's grEy in England and grAy in America. why did nobody tell me this years ago?)

the other thing that strikes me about reality lately is all the coincidences that have been happening. it's like when you learn a new word, and suddenly you see that word everywhere. what's been happening to me is the same sort of thing, only much more depressing, because it's all been suicide and crisis intervention. for instance, i follow people on twitter, famous people and not famous people, who i know don't follow each other, and yet there were bunches of them talking about stress and bullying and mental breakdowns and where to turn if somebody you know needs help. it's honestly a topic i've always thought needed more discussion and openness when regarding it, just strange to hear it brought up by so many at the same time.

maybe it's just the holidays and the new year and everybody's in the slumps. i'll admit i'm not quite fine, but honestly i never really am. things are as good as can be expected. i'm not overly up or down. i just am. oddly enough, a few weeks ago i had a conversation with somebody who was commenting on all the bad luck i've had over the past few months. i thought it strange, because though i usually will dwell on the bad, for every instance of evil he brought up my first thought was how much worse it could have been and how lucky i felt i was. like i said, it's been strange days lately.

one thing i know though, even if the rest of the world has the surreal quality of a dream, i'm still me.

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