my quote of the moment: "if you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness." ~julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespinasse

December 22, 2011

i feel muzzled... again...

i've felt like this before, and it's why i left for so long. now it's the same all over again.

so many things i want to say, so many things i know i need to keep to myself.

maybe it's just that i don't like to share. maybe it's just that i've gotten myself in trouble for telling too much in the past, and i don't want to do it again. maybe, even though i feel like ranting about certain things, i still believe it's nobody's dang business. maybe i just don't want to look bad, or crazy, or bitchy, in the eyes of others.

i know i know, that's a lot of maybes.

i want to complain but i care too much about what others think.

i also want to complain, but feel like i don't have the right to say anything. i am the one that has gotten myself into this mess, so i have no one to blame but myself for this state of affairs. i'm also the only one that can really change things, so needlessly complaining would just sound whiny and annoying.

so here i am, complaining about complaining. or wanting to complain. or the fact that i want to say  something but i can't.

i'm just as bad as those girls on facebook that post cryptic messages about how something's wrong but people have to guess what, or about wanting to be left alone while seeking attention. oh gods, how i hate those girls.

No comments:

Post a Comment