my quote of the moment: "if you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness." ~julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespinasse

December 7, 2011

love is worth fighting about

this has been something that has been on my mind for a long while now.

i know they say that love is worth fighting for. that if there is something  you love, something you need in your life and you just can't live without, then you need to fight to keep it. really, that's what love for me, the willingness to go against all odds to make sure you never lose the thing you love. because if  you really didn't love it, you wouldn't fight to keep it so close. and you wouldn't be so upset if that thing was taken from you by forces beyond your control.

now, the flip side of that is that love is also fighting, at least when people and relationships are concerned. if you really love someone, you're going to fight with them eventually, and i personally think that is part of a healthy and normal relationship. if you don't fight, you don't love.

of course, i don't mean abuse, i don't mean physical violence, or emotional, or being overly controlling. that's not fighting. fighting is two-sided, fighting is give and take. when it is all one-sided, it is time to step back and realize that there is something very wrong and broken in your "loving" relationship.

still, fighting is good. nobody gets along all the time. nobody agrees all the time. and even those closest to us, those who's views are most similar to us, there is always going to be something there that you won't agree about. and if you don't fight about your disagreements, if you don't fight for what you believe, then it's not something important. or the person you're disagreeing with isn't that important.

maybe i have a slightly skewed view of fighting in relationships, though i feel like it's true for most of the people that i know. i really believe that everybody fights. if you can't come to an agreement, then yes, fighting is futile and harmful. but if you argue, it doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. i think it's more when you stop fighting that there is something to worry about. when the one you love isn't interested enough to disagree and argue and fight with you, when they just nod along to whatever you say, that's when you know the end of your relationship is near.

at least, that's what i believe. and i try to convince my husband of that whenever we start fighting. i fight because i care. it's crazy, but true.

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