my quote of the moment: "if you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness." ~julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespinasse

November 8, 2011

green-eyed moster

i really don't like to be petty. i don't like be jealous of others, of what they have or what the get to do, or don't have to do as the case sometimes is. it's not that i don't feel these things, but i try to be above them, try not to let them bother me. i especially try not to let them dictate my actions toward others.

there will always be people that have more than me. there will always be people that will get the help with their responsibility that i wish i had. and there seems to be people that will ignore their responsibilities, and i will always feel the need to pick up the slack.

i understand that these are just facts of life, there will always be things that we want in this life, that we want better and more and what someone else has. and i really try not to let it bother me, but it's hard sometimes. really really hard.

especially when there are people that wave in front of your face what they have and you do not, because part of their enjoyment comes from knowing that people are jealous of what they have.

worse for me, though, are the people that do it without knowing. they are the people that have and do, and go around their life normally, but still i am forced to see it every day. and in most cases i am forced to act like it's not a big deal, like everything is normal, even though i wish that i was their shoes.

i know that most people have these feelings sometimes. that if we didn't want more in our lives, we wouldn't strive to do better and be better. and sometimes i have to stop all my self-pity and realize that i am lucky compared to some. i have things and do things that might make other people jealous.

still that is small comfort in the face of seeing all the things that i want and having to be happy for the people that have them. because some of them did work hard and sacrifice a lot to be where they are today, and i know the right thing is to be happy for them. even if i wish i was in their shoes.

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