my quote of the moment: "if you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness." ~julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespinasse

September 26, 2012

righteous indignation and martyrdom

i love my husband for so many reasons, more than i will list here and now. but one of the main qualities that drew me to him in the very beginning is that i knew he was what i was lacking. like puzzle pieces fitting together, he complimented my personality, filling in parts that weren't there. and he still does, sometimes to excess.

i don't get mad. or if i do, i don't really show it. i learned that, in most cases, there is no point in getting mad. just because somebody does something that upsets me, showing that i am angered doesn't help to resolve the situation. at certain times, it would escalate things, with them knowing that they had upset me. there was nothing i could do to improve things, because i was not in control of the situation. if they knew that they could make me feel bad, it just gave them more control and power and sadistic delight. forcing me to endure horrible experiences was fun for some. yes, i was surrounded by real assholes in my past.

from those humble (horrible) beginnings, i learned that getting angry serves no purpose. if i can change the situation, i will try. if i can improve things or up and leave, i will. but railing against the cruelty of the world does nothing but tempt the fates to show me what they can really do. and yes, sometimes i might give up too easily, thinking i can't change things, i just accept them and move along. in those cases, a little anger might serve to motivate me.

in those cases, that is where my dear husband steps in. he gets angry, a lot. he shouts his fury to the heavens, he yells back at the storms. he is quick to anger, seeing unfairness in so many places. but then, too, his anger leads him to want to rage quit. in this way, in dealing with the stresses of life, we are opposites. opposites that compliment each other.

where he feels anger, i feel patience. where he is moved to furious activity, i attempt understanding. but then too, i make excuses, not allowing myself to believe that people are truly cruel, just that there must be extenuating circumstances that drive their actions. and then also, he is willing to fight for us and for our rights, he is willing to stand up and work for just treatment. i am willing, in most things, to make myself subservient to others, to be accommodating, to be unselfish to the point of sacrifice.

still, even though i am not moved to anger, i think his furies are excessive at times. sometimes people have good reasons for their actions, though he thinks of it more like excuses than explanations. and sometimes he gets angry on my behalf. things happen, and he feels like i should be upset by the whole situation, and i'm not. or not upset enough. and so he rails against those that have wronged me. or there are times where life is just not fair. with school and bills and work and all the normal demands of life, he gets upset. but there is nothing we can do to change certain things, life is just unfair sometimes, as much as it sucks to admit. we need to accept that fact and just keep swimming, and eventually we will get through.

and so, there are times where i wish my husband would be more even tempered. just like i know there are times where he wishes i would be more excitable. but together we balance each other, and i thank my lucky stars for that.

No comments:

Post a Comment