my quote of the moment: "if you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness." ~julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespinasse

November 13, 2010

dear tom turkey, this year please bring me happiness and peace on earth...

it's already mid november. where did the month go? i'm so not ready for the up coming holiday season. not christmas though, i'm totally ready for christmas. really, i'm totally ready for christmas to be over.

it's not that i don't like christmas, i really do. and seeing my kiddies faces light up christmas morning is the best. and spending time with all my family is pretty great too. it's like one of the few times of year that i know everybody will be nice and pleasant and there'll be no real drama from any side. i even have most of my shopping done, thanks to layaway. and what we haven't bought yet we already have planned out, we know what we're getting when. so really, there's not much stress with christmas coming this year. we already know when we're making cookies, when we're digging out all our decorations, and how we're putting everything up so that a little fishie doesn't try to eat the train set.

so yeah, i'm ready for christmas, that's not really a stress to me. no, i'm more worried about thanksgiving. yeah, i know i'm not the one hosting the dinner this year. i haven't been able to host a big holiday meal for many years, which i really miss being able to do. but i know i'm going to have to help make the food, which i enjoy, and i know i'm going to have to help get everything set up, which, with my obsessive need for organization, i'm pretty good at. it's more like, as oppposed to christmas, where everybody tries to get together and be nice and pleasant to each other, thanksgiving is a day of issues.

it's always stress when my family gets together, even under normal circumstances they don't really get along all the time. something comes up, somebody says something that people take offense to, and it starts. the worst part is that people keep things going. sometimes i think that they store up past hurts just to bring up in the heat of an argument, trying to make the other person feel as bad as possible, or guilty, or they want people to side with them. i don't know, i just don't get it.

one of the things i really love about my hubby is that even when we disagree, even when we fight or really get into it, we get everything out and move on. if we do have an argument, it's over whatever is happening at that moment, we don't dredge up past hurts and slights. and then when we've worked it out or just agreed to disagree, we drop it and move on and don't feel the need to bring it up again. i wish the rest of my family could be like that, it would make the holidays so much more pleasant.

i guess that's really it, why i'm really so apprehensive about thanksgiving. every year we always say things will be different, and every year it's always the same. maybe it's blind hope, or maybe it's because that thanksgiving really is my most favorite holiday, but i still think that maybe, possibly, there is a chance for this year to be different, for this year to be better. if nothing else, i know the pies i make will be delicious.

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