my quote of the moment: "if you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness." ~julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespinasse

December 24, 2010

merry christmas from this side of the crazies

tomorrow is finally christmas. i have to say that fact doesn't fill me with the sense of excitement and wonder that it did as a child. no, mostly i am filled with a sense of relief over the fact that the holidays are almost over.

ok, so maybe the holidays aren't really that close to being over. but tonight i think is the official start. all the preparation and planning will come down to how smoothly i can get through tonight and the next few days. all the buying and wrapping and cooking and baking, all the thoughts to outfits and travel and logistics of stashing things places so all the surprises remain a surprise, all of that is all behind me. i'm past the point of planning, i am finally into the action phase.

i think tonight is such a relief because i can finally just sit back and watch all the plans unfold. i get to watch all my hard work shine as things go smoothly. i get to reap the fruits of my labors. for someone as obsessive as i am, going over things again and again, trying to make sure everything was prepped and ready, making contingency plans if things went awry, it was a lot or work behind the scenes. and hopefully it was enough to ensure that i'll be able to enjoy myself, that everything was successfully taken care of, that everything is lined up and ready to go.

tonight all the wheels start turning, this great holiday machine starts moving, and i get to sit back and enjoy the ride. hopefully.

i'm sure i'll still find things to obsess and worry over. and i know things will go wrong somewhere along the line, because they always do. but i also know that i did everything i could to make things go smoothly. for once i am confident that i put forth my best efforts, that there really wasn't anything else that i could do. everything left is in fates hands, and i just need to accept that.

so i think i'm done today. i know later will be a whirl of activity, and tomorrow will too. and sunday is also going to be busy. the rest of the week will be finding spots and spaces for all the new toys. then thursday i get to start preparing for our new years journey uptown to visit the in-laws. but really, i'm trying to put that out of my mind, because i know i have to get through this weekend before i worry about the next one.

so yeah, i'm done now. with my preparing and planning, because everything that i could do ahead of time is done. and i think i'm done with this crazy rambling rant. if none of this made any sense at all, i blame the holiday stress. if any of this actually did make sense, then i'll bet you're in the same boat as me. hopefully you brought an extra paddle, i'd hate to end up a creek without one.

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