my quote of the moment: "if you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness." ~julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespinasse

January 19, 2011

my profession is housewife... so i am married to my house

i think i need to redefine my job description to my hubby. we need to go over a few things and figure out how to deal with some discrepancies. like the things he thinks i need to do that i really don't think i need to do.

let's get a few little details out of the way first. i love my hubby for so many different reasons, least of which is the fact that he has put up with me and my craziness for longer than anybody else. i couldn't drive him away if i tried, and trust me, i tried. so for that, he's totally awesome. but like any relationship, this marriage takes work. and as we and our family have grown and continue to grow, our relationship to each other also grows. things are not like they used to be pre-kids. i get that, i really do, and i think for the most part he gets that too.

the other thing worth mentioning is that this is mostly me ranting. the added bonus is that he has told me that he never plans on reading this blog, so i feel free to say what i want. not that i'd say something here that i wouldn't say to his face, because that would just be silly. things have a way of making their rounds online, and eventually things would get back to him. so yeah, even though he probably wouldn't read it, i know that he might, so don't go thinking that i'm gabbing behind his back. i'm a good girl and would never do something like that.

now to the heart of the issue, which is that i have to make him dinner tonight. that might not sound like a big deal, because i usually have to make dinner every night. it is part of what i consider my job, my responsibilities. i am in charge of making sure my family is cleaned and well cared for, which means i am in charge of making sure there is a somewhat healthy meal on the table for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. i usually don't mind cooking, though there are nights that i cheat and just pull something from the freezer. then other nights we go out or visit family, and those nights i'm usually off the hook. like tonight, i'm taking the kids over to my dad's for dinner.

now, my dad is usually busy on the weekends, but wednesdays work out to be a good night for him. and the boys like spending time with him. and the baby is happy for a whole new house with all new things to get into. unfortunately, my hubby works nights, so on a normal day, we sit down to eat right after he wakes up, and then he leaves. dinner for us is breakfast for him. this also means that during the week he isn't able to accompany the kids and i to my dad's. but he still needs to eat, which somehow falls into my realm of responsibilities.

so even on the nights that i'm not going to be home, i am expected to cook for him, because it is part of my job to make sure all of my family eats their meals. he can and does cook for himself if he needs to. and technically he doesn't tell me i have to make food for him, but rather he'd just really like it if i did. and because he does put up with so much, i usually cave in and make him something. like tonight, whenever he finally crawls out of bed, there will be meatloaf and mashed potatoes waiting for him.

i guess my problem is that i don't think it's fair sometimes. like, if this is my job, don't i ever get a break, or even a vacation? even if the kids are away, i still have to take care of him. his point is that he doesn't force me to do these things, but he knows i've always had trouble saying "no" to him, so he should be nice and not ask in the first place. i knew growing up i'd always make a lousy strong and independent woman, but i'd make a great housewife because i'm thoroughly domesticated.

the small consolation is that i never have to wash dishes at the end of the day. that's one thing, at least, that is his responsibility.

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