my quote of the moment: "if you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness." ~julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespinasse

April 3, 2012

"don't touch me"

i have issues with personal space. i need lots of it, and i really don't like it when people get too close.

and yet, i'm a wife and mother, and touching is kind of part of my job description.

see where my issues lie?

there are times when the kids feel icky and sick, or they just want to cuddle. or we're watching a movie or reading a book. or we're playing or wrestling or tickling. or they're tired and need a nap. and so they just hang on me. and i really do love my kids, but sometimes they need to let me breath before i suffocate.

and if it's been one of those days where i just want to hide in the bathroom for five minutes of peace, those are the days my poor dear hubby gets the short end of the stick.

i know it's not fair to him. and it's not fair to the boys if i get grumpy because their sister has been extra needy all day, so by the time they get home from school i'm not really in the mood for their games.

unfortunately, fish's needs trump all, because for the most part she can't do things for herself. it's just the way it has to be, and i know that.

still, it doesn't make me feel any less guilty when i'm snappy and short tempered with everyone. i feel bad if i ignore or neglect them. and i really don't mean to. but there are moments during the day where i just need some time to myself or i feel like i'm going to scream.

and i know it gets better. i remember when the boys finally became more self sufficient, how nice it was that they could do things for themselves and i wasn't forced to follow them around making sure they didn't burn the house down, or cause some equally awful catastrophe. and i really don't have any ideas for an alternative to my current situation. i have to stay home, for many different reasons. i'm the one that chose to have these crazy little monkeys, and i'm the one that agreed to take care of them.

still, it would be nice to get a bit of understanding from those around me. i know others are working just as hard as i am, maybe we all need to show each other how much we appreciate what they do. or maybe, we all just need a vacation. though some days i'd even settle for a nap.

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