my quote of the moment: "if you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness." ~julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespinasse

April 10, 2012

trying to get my head in the game

so easter is over. it's been over since sunday, technically. and yet, i can't seem to get back into gear. i know i need to start focusing on the day to day. and i'm trying. we didn't miss the bus this morning, just almost missed it. and i'm even doing laundry right now.

and yet, i have so much going on in my head and in my life, i'm paralyzed and overwhelmed by it all. i am at the point where i'm afraid something is going to fall through the cracks. and being that somehow i'm the one in charge, it's left to me to make sure everything is running smoothly. so homework and cleaning and cooking and shopping, those are everyday things i can't forget or keep putting off.

plans for the house need to be made too. so i'm trying to focus on all the things we'll need to get, and trying to remember all the things we already have. also, i'm trying to figure out the things that will need to be fixed and cleaned before we move in, and the things that we can let go until later. and i'm trying to set up dates to get things done by. like when we close, and when we can get the floor fixed by (the one main thing to do), and when we can move furniture in. and i'm also trying to line up people to help, with the floor and hanging curtains and carrying dressers up three flights of stairs. the hardest thing is that there is so much still unknown about the whole process. so i need to make plans, but i need to remain flexible, and i'm not so good at that.

the other part i'm focusing on is that we have a lot of stuff going on in the next couple of weeks and months. there's stuff with scouts and weddings and graduations, and the boys are in school until june. and then i'm also trying to line up our summer plans, where we need to be when, so i don't try to schedule too much for one day. and i know there are doctor and dentist appointments in there somewhere.

i know this is just all the ups and downs and ins and outs of life and of mommyhood. and one would think i would be used to it by now. but the house is a new stress. and hubby going back to school is something i'm still trying to deal with. and maybe i just need to realize that the world won't stop if i drop a ball here or there. things will go on. and i know i have enough practice picking up fallen pieces and putting it all back together and moving on to the next challenge. experience yes, but that doesn't mean i like it.

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