i was going to say....

i was going to say something about how today is valentines day. about how love and affection are on display everywhere. how it still seems so fake and overly emotional to me. how my loving hubby was guilted into buying me flowers. not by me, mind you, because i really don't go in for that kind of stuff. i know how much he loves me, i don't need a plant slowly dying on my kitchen counter to remind me of that fact. though the chocolates that were part of the package were delicious. but seriously, i want him to buy me chocolates more often, not just because a commercial tells him to, but because he wants to, because he knows that i will always be appreciative of chocolates.

i might have continued on about why i got flowers for valentines day. it's for the same reason that i am getting a mother's ring, which is something he's been wanting to buy me for years. part of the problem is i wouldn't wear it, i hardly wear my engagement ring. my wedding band, a plain and simple ring of platinum is all that graces my finger on most days. so i kept telling him that i didn't really want a mother's ring, that i thought it would be a waste of money, that i don't think i need a piece of jewelery to tell the world i am a mom and that my family loves me. but my less than traditional views on things like valentines day and mother's rings were less than thrilling to his mother. and so, to make peace in the family and to make things easier on him, i told him just to get me all the things that he wanted to. or rather all the things that he was supposed to. though i've never understood it all and i doubt i ever will.

i was also going to talk about how my beautiful baby is turning one in only three days, and how the time has seemed to fly by. i was also going to mention how big she is and how much she can do. how smart i think she is and how well she walks and talks for a baby her age. and how about how happy she seems, how everyone says that she is always so pleasant. how i already had a first birthday party for her with all of my in-laws the weekend we last went up town, and how i get to plan and host another party for her on saturday at my dad's house for all my family down here, and maybe what i really thought about that whole situation.

i also would have said something about how my nephew was visiting last week, which really highlighted two things for me. one is that my fishie plays very well with kids around her own age. but also it showed cause and effect of different parenting styles. my mother-in-law is also visiting, coming down with my nephew last week, and stay through until next sunday.

it is, perhaps, the interruption of my regular routine that has cause this lack of posting from me. my concentration has been more than broken, it has been shattered. i crave consistency, i crave the expected and a schedule i can depend on. maybe now that one of my house guests has gone home, i can get back to some of my set ways. i don't want to give up on this, i don't want to just let it go and go, let the pauses between posts stretch into weeks and months and forever. so though this post be nonsense (and why i started pirate-speak i'll never know), it's at least something.