hope and wishes

my mind is scattered at the moment. actually, it's more like i just don't know what to think. or what to talk about. or what to do.

i want to do something constructive, but i can't think of anything. there is so much going on in my life that is out of my hands. so much i don't have control over. so i just don't know what to do to make things happen and move in the direction that i want things going in.

so i've just kind of been sitting here, stressing and wishing and hoping. and i feel like it's not working.

harder still is that i know my dear hubby is in an even worse spot than i am. and i keep appologizing to him, like all my "i'm sorry"s in the world will eventually make things go right. not that it's my fault. i know it's not my fault. it's more that i am sorry that he has to go through so much.

so here we are, feeling like we can't catch a break. starting over again. so much is left to the fates, and all i have are hopes and wishes and a waiving belief that good thoughts will get us through.