the reality of love

today, being valentine's day, has me thinking about relationships.

and all day i've been struggling with what i wanted to say about my relationship. i mean, the romantical one i have with my husband. because it's a strange and complicated thing. but it's something i wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

so i was going to talk about how we got together, but then, how much is too much to share? we met at sheetz in 2000. he was, in fact, the person that interviewed me for my job there, as he was the assistant manager at the time. i have a very distinct memory of sitting on a bar stool in the office while he sat at the desk and chain smoked, looking oh so exhausted, being forced to interview me and hire me because the manager at the time was more absentee then anything. that line from clerks, "i'm not even supposed to be here today!" fit perfectly. and eventually i married him.

there's more to the story, of course. but looking back at that time in my life is not pretty. reality and the past are fluid things in my mind. they can change depending on how you look at them, shift and transform through the lenses of experience. but that time for me will always be a twisted, ugly thing, with sharp edges and deep scars.

maybe i should just share the simple truth that i look at him sometimes and wonder why he even wanted to marry me in the first place. i wonder why he stuck by me for so long. and it still surprises me that this works, that we work, so well together. our crazy fits together like magical misshapen puzzle pieces, and i can't imagine ever finding anyone that would get me like he does.

and it's an understatement to say that he just wanted to marry me. he pursued me, followed me, stalked me, and eventually saved me. he never promised me the world, he only ever promised to make me happy. and that was enough. so i promised him i would follow him anywhere, even to johnstown.

and here we are. married and kids and years behind us and years ahead of us. and through all of the ups and downs and screaming and tears and laughing and fun. i can look at him and see love. and through him i see our kids and our families, our homes and lives stretched out. none of it is perfect or smooth or easy, but i know it's ours together.

and that is the reality of our love.