my quote of the moment: "if you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness." ~julie-jeanne-eleonore de lespinasse

February 28, 2012

the ties that bind

*disclaimer before you read: things are good with me, for real. this is something i scratched out a few weeks ago, but it's a theme that holds true. and it's not so much a if you love somebody you should set them free, and if they come back it was meant to be. it's more like they're a balloon filled with hot air and you're the anchor holding them back, so you're basically annoying each other. or something. anyway, here's this... whatever it it...*

the ties that bind us to others can stretch, bend, and break given enough pressure. and it's the true test of a relationship to see how much stress it can handle before everything snaps and all falls apart.

and it's really hard, sometimes, to know how much is too much. when things are already broken and it's time to declare it all a loss. that things are lying in little pieces all around you and you really can't bring yourself to pick it all back up and put it all back together again.

and sometimes we're in denial, that things really aren't completely broken. and sometimes it really is worth the work and the fight to hold it all together. and by just saying that you'll hold on one more time is enough, because it's only one more time that you have to make it through before things finally start getting better.

but how do you know? how do you know who are the people worth fighting for and who are the people who would be better off if you cut your losses and set them free so they could soar without you holding them back and pulling them down?

life sucks and life is hard and sometimes it doesn't seem like it's worth the fight. (and how many times have i said those words here over the years?) but the hardest thing for me sometimes is knowing what is worth fighting for. i can't fight everything, and the struggle to hold it all together has me stretched painfully thin. things are going to break, things are going to be lost, things are going to have to be let go. but how do i know what are the things i need to keep holding onto and what are the things that are better off without me?

if only i had the gift of sight, because over the years the only times i was able to answer those questions with any sense of certainty were the times i was looking back.

maybe you can make someone happy now by staying, but you can make them even happier by leaving.

so how do we know that the ties that bind us together aren't the ties that hold us back?

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